My Cultural Values
For some clients, especially those working on decolonizing, it is vitally important to have an understanding of their therapist's cultural values. Here are some of the native Filipino social, spiritual, and cultural perspectives I am arriving with in my clinical work:
Kapwa
Kapwa ("KAHP-wah") is the principle of an intersubjective self, the communal self, the self which resides in the other. Filipino people channel the experiences of others with a unique depth of feeling. What is felt by you and held by you is also experienced in me, through empathic imagination and attunement.
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As a collectivist and inward-facing people, Filipinos understand that only a very small space separates self and other. We are quick to extend grace, assistance, inclusion, and compassion to others, especially those we feel kinship or responsibility toward. Though we often discuss kapwa in the context of people, I personally believe that the natural world and all its creatures are also an important part of kapwa, of our spiritual community.
Utang Na Loob
Utang na loob ("OO-tahg nah loo-OHB"), which literally means "debt from within," is a Filipino principle of social indebtedness or reciprocity arising from a deeply held sense of gratitude. When others do us a kindness, there is an instinctive desire to return this favor and help those who help us. We exist in a world of constant and eternal reciprocity which we must always honor through generosity of spirit and kindness.​​​​
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This value can be, of course, a tricky double-edged principle. Sometimes we feel a kind of crushing indebtedness that we can never truly repay, which can quickly turn into guilt. How can we ever repay our parents, elders, and ancestors who sacrificed so much to give us better lives than they had? What act could ever equal the care we receive from a loved one who supported us through a hard time?
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However, at its core, utang na loob as I understand it is not about guilt or payment. It is about an omnipresent feeling of gratitude for the gifts we are given in this life and a sacred responsibility toward other. We have an indebtedness to our parents who gave us life, to this bountiful earth which sustains us daily, to our friends and loved ones who form our community. Always we approach these debts with humility and a giving spirit, even if they can never be repaid.
Pakikisama
Pakikisama ("pah-KIH-kih-sah-mah") is the Filipino principle of togetherness and cooperation. Filipinos tend to prioritize the experience of the group over the individual. We are thoughtful about the experience of the whole and prefer to demonstrate relatability, friendliness, and agreeability. Pakikisama is one of the primary ways Filipinos bring harmony and solidarity to social interactions. It is our way of letting others feel belonging by matching energy and deferring to the needs of the group.
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Of course like some of the other values discussed here, there are dark sides to pakikisama. Sometimes the pressure to be deferential and agreeable causes us to lose our connection to individual feelings and perspectives. We can slip easily into focusing on sameness rather than honoring what makes us different. This is why it's so important to remain mindful about our thoughts, emotions, bodily experience, and spiritual wellness. As we give to others, so we must also replenish and nurture ourselves. We must open ourselves to receiving love and understanding from loved ones, from the natural world, and from ancestral spirits. To live in balance, we must recognize when we need this medicine.
Bahala Na
Bahala na ("bah-HAH-lah nah") is a common Filipino expression which loosely translates to something like "whatever happens, happens." This sentiment is sometimes taken to be an optimistically fatalistic saying that means there is nothing we can do about a difficult situation and we accept our powerlessness about it. Some people take it to mean that there is no point in thinking about things we cannot change. But I believe the concept of bahala na comes from a deeper and more spiritual root than the passive acceptance with which we survived the trauma of colonization.
I believe that bahala na is reflective of what is called the "benevolent fatalism" of indigenous islander psychology. When we live on an island and the monsoon comes to sweep everything away, we must accept that nature is greater than ourselves; if we survive, we must work with whatever remains to rebuild and to continue forward supportively and compassionately. This attitude is not about non-engagement or powerlessness; it is about accepting the wisdom of Mother Earth and our divine destiny. This is an active, courageous, and wise approach to the cycle of life and death, love and loss. Behind the doors of grief is the sacred love that is the root of that pain. When we accept our smallness in the grand matrix of the universe, we come to learn and respect when it is time to act and when it is time to yield. Sometimes the tree that bends best survives the storm, and to understand bahala na is to know when we must defer to the sacred Earth and to our cosmic destiny.